Dear furniture maker,I'm a cost-conscious consumer looking to furnish his apartment with a new couch.
Now, being a young professional who doesn't have a ton of money, probably will move again in the next 18 months or so, doesn't have an unlimited amount of space and enjoys hosting out-of-state-guests, I do have some specifications as to what I'm looking for.
I need something cheap, but well-made (since I can't afford to go buy something to replace a broken couch in six months). It needs to be portable, or as close to it as possible. You see, I live on the second floor and have a habit of living in places that aren't on the ground floor, which makes moving heavy objects a pain in the butt, back, knees and, strangely, my 4th vertebrae. My living room is big, but the stairwell is not, so a ten-foot couch is out of the question as is anything over-stuffed or La-Z. Last, I do enjoy passing out on my furniture, clutching empty stemware or a tumbler and/or hosting guests, so I want something to sleep on.
After much extensive research (I napped on a lot of the products at your store, even going as far as to live on one particularly inviting chaise lounger for three days), I've decided that what I need is a futon.
My question for you, Mr. or Ms. Furniture Maker is as follows: Why are futons as expensive as a traditional sofa? Shouldn't the do-it-yourself installation, lesser quality of cushions and overall impression of poverty and/or cheap bastardness that they convey lower the price? I simply do not see any reason why I should purchase a futon when it costs $500, especially when I can have someone deliver me a real piece of furniture for the same amount.
I really want a futon. I genuinely do. I need something that folds flat, but as my last experience in lifting a full-size sofa resulted in a month of traction and nine more of intense physical therapy, those are out of the question.
But I don't want to pay more than $300, which unfortunately leaves me in the position of having to find something used on Craigslist (which probably is infested with lice and has a variety of colorful stains) or putting together something that comes in a box, looks like a Boy Scout-made pine fence and has a mattress the same thickness as my down comforter and is about as comfortable as a medieval torture device.
C'mon, Manufacturer person! Give us starving artist and young professionals and students and cheapskates a break here. Don't push your futon prices out of our reach. Fold them in half.
It won't be hard. In fact, it will be a soft and cushy process, especially for you who already must be comfortable in your over-sized, leather office chair. Cut costs in manufacturing... I don't care how, as long as I have a nice, micro-fiber cushion to prop my feet upon. Ship out production to Thailand, the kids in the factories there work for pennies and their tiny fingers make sure the stitching is hardly noticeable. Or, perhaps you could provide us with the solution for the burgeoning illegal immigrant crisis. Hire all those former day-laborers and put them into the futon manufacturing business. Heck, you can keep the "Made in the USA" sticker for the box and pay them in mattresses.
If this sounds cold, then it's because I don't turn the thermostat past 55 to save money. If this truth is too hard for you, it's because I typed this on my floor. If you're not comfortable with my solutions, then it's because I'm not comfortable in a futon-less living room.
Free the futon and lower prices! Just because oil's over $100 a barrel now doesn't mean futons have to be $100 a foot. Just do it... it's for the greater good of bottoms everywhere.
Sincerely,
Mike the Couchless
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3 comments:
Have you ever had a futon before? They are HEAVY. They aren't easy to move up the stairs. Not that you shouldn't get one, but they suck to move. Just saying. :)
I had one when I was 12 or something because I thought it was cool (I am and always will be a loser). But it was a crappy pine one from Wal-Mart so it wasn't too heavy.
I have helped friends move quality futons and, yes, they are heavy. But since you can pull the mattress off the frame, that makes it easier.
Plus, unlike a fold-out couch, you don't need to worry about getting hit in the face with a queen-size bed while carrying it up stairs. Been there, done that and had a black eye for a week...
Yes that's true. Fold out couches are instruments of the devil. There have no redeeming qualities. Not only is moving one a nightmare, but so is sleeping on one. I am pretty sure a bare hardwood floor is tied with the comfort of sleeping on a fold out couch. At least the floor doesn't stab your middle back with a metal bar all night.
Futons frames are not too bad to move, but the mattresses should have built in handles but they don't. They're so heavy and there's no way to hold them. The last time i had to move one (Three in one day actually) I had a brilliant idea: if you have two people, and two long 2x4s you can kind of make a stretcher out with the boards and put the mattress on top folded in half. Then it's really easy to move. But I don't know about getting up the stairs that way. Maybe. Never tried.
if making a futon makes you a loser, um... i've had three...
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