Those random profile questions...

In case you're not religiously reading my bio, here's my answer to Blogger's latest inane question.

Q. "What was the best time you've ever had licking stamps?"

A. "Oh geez... I was an intern (and then an interim PR person) for Major League Baseball International. We had a mass mailing to do one of my first weeks there and I spent an entire day licking stamps and posting them... my tongue felt like sandpaper and was about as thick as a T-bone.

"Then, the office manager told me about the sponges I could use to wet the stamps for me.

"I cried."

(On a related note... I'm in the office today and have absolutely zero motivation to do anything even remotely productive.)

Manny being Manny....

Watched Game 2 of the 2007 ALDS last night... it was an instant classic that ended with my boy, Manny Ramirez, absolutely crushing a K-rod offering over the Monstah - nearly hitting it into the stadium lights.

Also, along the instant classic theme, Manny had the following to say about his performance:

"I'm one of the best hitters in the game."

"I haven't been right all year. But, I guess, when you don't feel good and you get hits, that's when you know you are a bad man."

"I am one of the best players in the game. I have confidence in myself, and I know my train doesn't stop here."

Ah, Manny... keep on being Manny. We wouldn't have it any other way.


PS - Also, big thanks to Danny Vinik! Nice catch, kid...

Chris Carrabba is killing my street cred...

I fancy myself to be a sort of music snob. I'm kind of proud of it, in fact. One of my (sad?) life's little pleasures is to hand someone my iPod and have them tell me one of the following:

A) "Wow! You have a ton of music!" (To which I nonchalantly toss off a "Oh, that, well, you should have seen it before I reorganized.)

B) "I've never heard of any of these bands." (To which, I always respond, "You must have completely crappy taste in music," but never out loud.)

C) "Wow! Your record collection is amazing!" (To which, I nod and ask what their latest purchase was and then we can bond over our shared delight in that disc and collective hatred of all things Snow Patrol.)

There are problems with my snobbishness, though. And not because it leaves people thinking I have a giant stick up my cornhole. That, I can live with.

No, the real problem is liking a band that you know is crappy, the trendily-tattooed, ironically-coiffed clerk at Newbury Comics knows is crappy, heck, even my mom knows is crappy. How are you supposed to maintain any sort of indie credibility with such obvious bad taste in your CD stacks?

I'm not talking about artists like, say, Justin Timberlake who are so-uncool-they're-cool-to-like. For those guys (I'd also include: Michael Jackson, Styx, Northern State and maybe Kelly Clarkson in this category), you're not cool if you think they're not cool but in a totally uncool sense, get it? And, let's face it, J-Tims is downright catchy and did put on one heck of a show back in August at the Garden. (Check out this clip... during the bridge, he starts to cover Ryan Adams. Yes, Ryan F-ing Adams.)

Back to the point, though. I'm talking about the artists that make "those of us with taste" recoil a bit... Britney, the Killers, Matchbox20, the Fray, John Mayer et al. Like a band in that category and you instantly drop down a couple notches with the people who know what's up.

This causes some problems. Like this week, for instance. Dashboard Confessional released its 4th full-length. And I wanted to buy it.

For those of you not familiar with Dashboard, it's basically the project of singer/songwriter Chris Carrabba. Carrabba's strained vocals, furiously strummed acoustic guitars and lyrics about lost love appeal mainly to 14-year-old girls. Oh, and dudes who like having sex with other dudes, as the joke goes.

So how am I, a self-respecting music aficionado, who listens to Woxy.com faithfully, reads Mojo, avoids pop radio and had hundreds of CDs organized alphabetically AND chronologically, supposed to walk into a record store and buy that album (on the day it comes out no less)?

Every time Dashboard comes out with a new record, I'm faced with that conundrum. The last time, I wound up buying three other discs (all of which were artsy, underground bands worth of hype and respect) and stuck the other in the middle. It made me feel better; the clerk couldn't judge me! Look what great taste I had! That Dashboard one was probably for my girlfriend or sister or maybe I was out of coasters for my DIY furniture?

But this time around, I couldn't do that again. A) because I'm broke B) because I sold my CD collection and don't really want to buy more discs and C) nothing else came out this week that I really wanted.

So, all Monday, I steeled my reserve as I prepared to walk into the store to *gasp* buy the album.

First, I thought about stealing it... but I don't steal and how embarrassing would that be to get caught with that record? It'd be like stealing a Sam's Choice bottle of soda from Wal-Mart.

I considered about giving cash to one of the homeless guys outside the store to get it for me, but Newbury Comics is right above a liquor store and I don't trust a crackhead to determine the finite differences between "MadDog 2020" and "Dashboard Confessional" or "Drinking it all down" and "Giving it to the person who gave me the money."

Also, I thought about maybe distracting the clerk by asking if they were going to the Minus the Bear show that week at the Middle East, or when Tokyo Police Club's full-length was due, but then I figured that minimizing my time and, hence, potential embarrassment would be a better idea.

Seriously, I thought about this all day. What else was I supposed to do? I was at work and all the internet and phones were down... (How the heck did people do anything before the Internet?)

But I was unable to think up a non-humiliating way to go about buying the CD myself. I just had to do it. I would have to walk in there, go to the rack as fast as possible and hand the disc and a credit card to the cashier and hope they didn't burst into a fit of giggling while I shamefully studied the gum stains on the carpet.

Listlessly, I surfed the web in front of SportsCenter that night. Even my resolve to live had tucked its tail between its legs, it was so ashamed of me. I was going to have to pay good money to get a CD that I'd probably like. Even knowing that I'd like it brought waves of nausea to my stomach and redness to my cheeks. Oh, the shame!

But then, I remembered that my month's subscription to eMusic.com had rolled over the week before. I had 40 downloads once again... and maybe, just maybe I'd be able to download the record. It was a long shot and I didn't have much hope - the major labels have been pretty slow to sign on with the website, which is okay because it gives their editors more space to tell me about the next all-girl, new wave band from Zimbabwe who combine a love of the Cure with references to pre-Pink Album Boris or some crap like that.

But then...

Right there on the front page...

Joy of joys! It was there! And I could download it without having to have any clerk stare me down, bringing my self-esteem crashing to the floor!

Thank God for the Internet...

Okay, so maybe it's all right to just enjoy something because you enjoy it. Music doesn't have to be about snobbery, even if it is kind of a sick pleasure to delight in that aspect. it should be about expressing personal choice and taste. I guess what's really important to remember that if you like it, then buy it.

Oh, and that my collection is so much better than yours.

Why I run...

Allow me to pat myself on the back for just a second... this weekend, my running buddy Dan and I ran 26.2 miles in 4 hours and 40 minutes, completing the first full marathon of our lives.

Bravo, boys, bravo. "Come see how good I look."

I'd been meaning to write about running here for a while now, but kind of never got around to it. As you can see from the sidebar on the right (I'm pointing at it now - see?), one of my "current obsessions" was to run a marathon. Now, it's been updated for running my next one - time TBA.

I think one of the reasons I put off writing about running is that it's really an intensely personal experience. I know that sounds cliched or whatever, but it's true. When you run, you are the only one out there. You're not running against anyone, just yourself, your limits and your past times. You are the one hauling yourself out of bed in the morning or hitting the road late at night; you are the only one that's sore; you are the only one who knows if you could have done better or if you pushed your body harder and farther than ever. When you cut corners, you're only hurting yourself. When you succeed, you're the only one that gets the benefit.

It's hard to express those sort of sentiments - you kind of have to get out there and do it for yourself to really know.

But - for those of you who have the laptop open and your feet up, I'll try to put it into nice bullet points for your reading enjoyment before you get distracted by porn, TMZ or funnyordie.com.

1) I run because it clears my head
- It's true... running (or any exercise) releases endorphins. You can't help but feel good, even when you're puking on your shoes or your shorts have chaffed smoking red marks into your crotchal region. Seriously, though, it's a tremendous stress reliever... when I'm out there, I can pray, all of the day's stress just falls away and I can breathe again.

2) I run to challenge myself.
- I have life goals... some of them are big and will take years. Others, like some of the trips I want to take, require money. Running takes only a decent pair of shoes and the will to do it. Running a marathon was, at the same time, both the easiest and hardest goal I've ever set for myself. It was easy, because all I had to do was get out there and do it - the way was already set and planned for me. But when you're in that marathon, you've passed mile 19, you're coming up on four hours on the road and your legs feel like rubber pencils set on fire, that finish line may as well be 8,000 miles away.
But, on that final sprint to the end, where your feet don't touch the dusty ground because that last rush of adrenaline has picked you up and is carrying you towards the cheers of your loved ones, it goes back to being the easiest thing you've ever done. And that's a great feeling... in fact, that's reason number three!

3) I run for the feeling of the finish.
- Whether it's finishing the last stretch of a three-mile training run strong or the overwhelming rush of finishing your first marathon, that fullness of joy, that primal sense of accomplishment is a high unlike any other.
I can't even describe it. You just have to go out and do it for yourself.

4) I run for my health.
- Want to lose 10 pounds? Train for a long-distance race. 'nuff said.

5) I run because you don't.
- The "you" here doesn't mean "you, my reader," just some schmuck out there who's too lazy or out-of-shape to be able to do what I can do. Maybe it's a guy thing, but I take pride in doing it. I love passing people on the road. I like the challenge of keeping up with a stronger runner and I like out-distancing someone trying to keep up with me even better. Even a kid like me that's 5'7" and 155 pounds can be a beast when he puts on that running gear, grabs a water bottle and heads out the door to chew up the road and spit it out.

So, that, my friends is why I do it.

Want to come run with me?

Air Food...

My how times have changed.

I don’t know if I remember my first airplane meal. Chances are, it was on a cross-country flight from Boston to Sacramento on a family visit to my grandparents. I think, and maybe my memory is faulty, that I had some sort of chicken dish with steamed vegetables, smothered in gravy.

I didn’t eat it.

I was pretty picky back then and anything with gravy was gross. I passed it off my my younger brother, The Bottomless Pit, he ate it and I would’ve picked the walnuts off of the dessert brownie.

That hot meal, served on a plastic tray covered in half-melted polyurethane is long gone – at least here on American carriers. The way it is now, you’re lucky to get a bag of pretzels (peanuts are too expensive) and a cup of soda.

Last year, I flew to Alaska on what was then my longest-ever flight (check it out on a map – Fairbanks is really freakin’ far away). But, since it was still technically a domestic flight, no food. Just a tiny cup of juice to gargle with and a snack pack for a buck and box containing an apple and a soggy sandwich for five. Blah.

Comedians can complain about it all they want to entertain us and, on occasion, The New York Times can run a short article in the travel section of about the next cutback for travelers and their creature comforts.

And, yeah, it sucks. It means that you’re 7.3 times more likely to sit next to some fat guy chowing down on a stinky double-cheeseburger with the smell of fries wafting over the entire rear cabin. Now that’s the only way to fly!

I tell you what, though, the one good thing about all these cutbacks (no comped meals unless you’re in 1st class and pay-as-you-go munching) is that the quality of food has gotten substantially better.

Today, I’m flying to Orange County with United. On long-haul flights (those over 3 hours), they offer four snack packs, which are basically mini-meals in a handy to-go box. For five bucks each, you can get a nice organic fruit and granola selection, a junk-food box, standard munchies and a protein-packed health snack. Know what? They’re pretty good and reasonably filling (along the lines of one of those NutraSystem meals – enough to satisfy, but not overly so).

[I went with the “RiteBite” which gave me a slice of gouda, a bag of pita chips, a travel-sized jar of humus, six organic crackers, raisins and a small container of lemon-pepper tuna. Surprising assortment, quite tasty. The one negative is that the tuna kind of smells, which doesn’t bother me eating it, but might the passenger next to me.]

The price isn’t so bad, either, considering that before my flight I paid the same amount for a scoop of fruit and nuts from an airport stand – one of those places that charges you 3 bucks for a Vitamin Water, which is roughly the equivalent of paying $250 for a pair of Wranglers.

So, perhaps paying $300 for a flight and then not getting any food blows (couldn’t they wrap the cost of a meal into the flight, by default?), but at least they’re trying to market the stuff they’re schilling. When the food’s fresh, slightly exotic, nutritious and tasty, and when it’s half the price of a warmed-over airport burger, the customer thinks he’s getting what he wants.

That’s good business right there.

30 reasons?

***DISCLAIMER****

Last night, I ate a 9-ounce, medium-rare steak that cut like butter and was smothered in portabello mushrooms, sauted in a red-wine reduction. And it tasted so good, that I about had to change my pants midway through.

***END DISCLAIMER***

If you have a moment. Watch the above video... It's a PETA-produced video propagating their belief that eating red meat is about the worst thing you can do as a human being. Something even more terrible than drop-kicking infants, dropping A-bombs or driving a non-hybrid vehicle.

Of course, you don't need me to tell you that, if you watched it...

Anyways, I was sitting at home in my apartment the other night, not doing much. I think the Sox game was probably on and I was reading or something and I heard this video filter into the background of my consciousness. My sister (who's also my roommate) had been informed about PETA for the first time and was clicking through their website.

Now, I don't agree with everything PETA stands for, but I do give them some credit for the good things they do in life - mainly fighting animal testing. They lose me, however, when they stand outside fashion shows and throw paint on people who have chosen (free choice!) to wear fur. Or leather. Or shower.

But this video was extremism to the extreme... I couldn't believe the (supposedly) well-thought-out, researched arguments the group was making against the unforgivable sin of eating meat. So, I figured I'd argue against them in my own small, shaking-my-fist-at-the-sky manner. Mostly because the video was so completely outrageous - if you were to believe everything they're saying, you'd think eating food makes you a supporter of the Holocaust (the real one, not the piggy one).

1) Eating meat gives you heart disease.
Actually, the leading cause of heart disease in the United States is stress... so stop bugging me about my free choice!

2) Vegetarianism reverses heart disease.
So does Bayer Asprin. And quitting your job. And exercising. Going veg isn't a cure-all... in fact, it's more likely to cause more health problems if you're already unhealthy.

3) Meat makes you fat.
Cake makes you fatter. Where's the "no cake" video?
Ridiculous - meat doesn't make you fat. Eating McDonalds fake-meat three times a day, five days a week makes you fat. Chowing down an entire bag of chips nightly in front of the TV makes you fat.

4) You don't have to lie to your kids about what you eat.
Pul-leaze... it's only bullet-point number four and PETA's already making an emotional appeal about children. I don't even know what this means, but I'd be more apt to lie to my kids (if I had any) about veggies just to get them to eat them. "Oh yeah, that's broccoli... it's how nougat is made!"

5) Chicken poop in packages.
Hence, the cooking of the chicken before consumption.
Did you know that there's also small amounts of fecal matter underneath your fingers? Yeah, so just remember that next time you shake someone's hand.

6) Filthy and bloody...
The cold, off-the-cuff answer that popped into my head was, "So is childbirth," but I thought that would be too inappropriate. So, I'll go with the, "don't you cook it before you eat it?" argument here again.

7) It isn't fair.
Since when was life fair? Helllllo PETA - have you looked at the animal world you love so much lately? Who gets eaten in the wild? Oh, right, whoever's smaller. Right, that's what I thought...

8) Living creatures don't want to see your family die.
Um, okay. I don't think they've attained consciousness yet, so, you're right. They also don't have a thought beyond, "When am I going to eat next?" and "Reproduce!"

9) Meat causes impotence.
Research?
Oh, and see point one... stress is the number 1 cause of impotence. Hmmm... maybe today's life lesson is that we'd all be happier if we quit our jobs and sat around blogging all day. Good times!

10) Mad Cow is in the US
So let's kill it out!

11) It's violence we can stop.
Actually, there's a lot of violence we can stop. We can pretty much stop all violence against fellow man if we really wanted to... want to work on that first PETA?

12) No one should make a living by killing.
So let's put these people out of a job! Especially in the rural midwest where everyone's Republicans and the farming way of life is already dying out, putting local economies in jeopardy!

13) It takes a small person to beat something smaller.
Granted.

14) It takes a smaller person to eat it.
Huh? In latin, we'd call that a "non sequitor."

15) The grain to feed them (moo cows) could feed them (black people).
So, PETA, let me get this straight... the grains that the FDA says aren't of a high enough quality to feed the citizens of the US should be used to feed poor people, but only after it's shipped in rat-infested cargo holds thousands of miles across the ocean, rotting all the way? Oh, okay.
This really touches on a larger, separate argument - but why are we concerned about sending food? Shouldn't we be spending less money teaching long-term farming/food production and helping to supply the needed infrastructure? Or is it just me?

16) Water shortages.
Wake me the next Dust Bowl...

17) Defenseless
Now, PETA, you're just repeating yourself (see point 7)

18) They feel pain.
I am an advocate of painless killing. Especially in light of that fact that if an animal is killed while in pain, its muscles tense, making the quality and tenderness of meat not all that good. It's actually in the best interests of the seller and the consumer to make killing as pain-free as possible. The steak is thusly tastier.
Yum.

19) They don't deserve to die.
Again, see points 7 and 17. Yawn.

20) They feel fear.
Uh... so?

21) It's flesh.
And it's delicious.

22) It's murder.
I mean, we could get into the whole metaphysical discussion of possession of souls and what it really means to be alive. But I don't think even the most staunch animal-rights activist would argue that chickens have a consciousness.
Therefore, is it really murder? I would say no.

23) Because even prisons aren't this crowded.
And, yes, chickens and pigs should be as comfortable as our human prisoners. Right on!

24) This is not what wings are for.
I whole heartedly agree.

25) Every living thing wants to be free.
Good point - cage free eggs and free-range chickens taste better and have more nutritive value. I do see their point here.

26) Eating fish doesn't make you a vegetarian.
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a rule book.
Also, what kind of Zapruder film are they showing here? Is that supposed to be a fish? I don't get it...

27) Might is not right.
Wanna wrestle?

28) I know this is wrong.
More Zapruder film...

29) I know this is wrong.
I believe they're showing an image of a baby chick about to be killed. Okay, it's not great. But over 40 million HUMAN babies have been killed in the last 30 years. Aren't there more important things we could be talking about?
I think so.

30) ?
Okay, so I probably missed one in there...

Here's the deal. Animals are not human. Therefore, they are not subject to the certain, unalienable rights that we claim to be self-evident. I disagree with any cruelty or pain that might be inflicted upon another creature, but we also have to remember that they are just that - creatures.
If you want to be a vegetarian or a vegan, that's fine. Do it for the right reasons or because you don't like meat, that's totally cool.
But please don't pretend you're better than another person because of your life choice. And don't tell me I'm evil because I will never give up steak. None of the arguments make sense.

Things I don't understand...

Today's topic: THE SUN DRESS

I don't get it. I really just don't.

Sure, I understand its purpose - ladies, you were 'em to keep cool, yet stay stylish during the summertime when all around you is dirty, sweaty, back of my neck gettin' dark and gritty. They can be colorful or plain, you can wear them with flats or in heels and it's always easy to maintain the dressy-yet-just-tossed-this-old-thing on look. Very chic.

Those sundresses I understand (much like the one pictured here... maybe cut slightly long, but fashionable).

What I don't get, my girl friends, are the ones that y'all wear that look like you shrunk them in the dryer because you can't figure out how to set the thing to "delicates."

Maybe I'm biased, since I work on Newbury Street - the Newyorkiest (JAPiest?) street in all of Boston, where silicon and Armani run amock - but I just don't get this summer's most-committed fashion faux pas: the slutty sundress.

A sundress can be classic. It can be elegant. It can be fun and frisky. But (and college co-eds, I'm looking in your direction), you can also look like a stripper.

Most of these dresses are see-through (good rule of thumb - the more you paid for it, the easier it is to see your butt cheeks). This morning, I was standing in line at Dunkin' Donuts, waiting for my morning iced coffee, and I had to pull the ol' army eyes-front routine. Because, had I looked down, the sunlight streaming in through the windows would have illuminated the both cheeks, butt dimples and thong of the nice, young lady standing in front of me.

[Aside to my beautiful girlfriend - I was successful. Mostly.]

All I wanted was coffee... instead, I felt like I should've tipped both the barista and the patron. Dunkin's never made me feel so dirty - and that's saying a lot.

Lesson of the story... when shopping, test and see whether what you're trying on is more likely to be used as A) clothing or B) a sieve.

The other faux pas consistently committed is abundant cleavage. Let's just say that, ladies, the bra was invented 100 years ago. Just wear it; it's not going out of style anytime soon. My two comments to any objections are as follows:

1) [To those less-endowed] "Your headlights are on."

2) [To the endowed] "Boinga, boinga, boinga."

So, live on sundress, live on (even though it's past Labor Day). All I ask is that the wearers of the dress just bear in mind that, unless they insist on causing traffic accidents, being hit on by every single homeless guy and subjected to internet upskirt postings (paging Britney Spears) they just try to keep in mind that they're wearing a dress, not a shower curtain.

Keep it clean, ladies.

Just remember, it's probably dry-clean only.