Saturday, December 15, 2007

All aboard the panda express...

I've hesitated to talk about this, in case I would jinx anything or would be accused of counting my chickens before they hatched (I'd much rather be considered a "counter of cells before they've split"), but it looks like thing are in place to take your favorite blog to Beijing.

Yes, I am slated to go to the 2008 Olympic Summer Games in Beijing, China as part of the Olympic News Service. All together now...

"Bahm dahm da-dum dum dum dum.
Bum ba-da dum ba-da dum da-dum dum dum dummmm"

If you don't think I wasted 10 minutes making sure I had the right number of "dums" in that , then you don't know Mike.

It took a while for all this to come together, for a number of reasons that I won't bore you with here. In the end, though, my college was one of five schools selected to send grad students/upperclassmen to the Olympics to help with the news coverage. And that's the extent of what I know about the program. Everything else has been given to us in the vaguest of terms, because, basically, the ONS has never done this before. So, here's what I know...

- I'll be in China
- probably for two months
- they think I have a place to stay (at the Communications University of China) and maybe someone will even feed me
- we'll be covering the Games, but there is no information on what venues/sports or even in what capacity we'll be working in

And that's about it. But, screw it, who cares? My next travel adventure has begun and I'm pretty pumped about it.

I know next to nothing about China. For example, if you had asked me yesterday which city housed Tiananmen Square, I couldn't have told you. The only words I know in Mandarin are "been-fau-tong," which means "marshmallow" and "meso-hoh-nee," which directly translated is "I have sex you long time for money." So, yeah, that's wicked helpful. The only info I have on China in my apartment is my bread machine and coffee maker (both have "Made in.." status). Discounting my weekly visit to my main guilty pleasure, Panda Express, I have almost no interaction with anything China-related. Oh, except for those wonderfully vague fortune cookies I always add "in bed" to (since I'm still mentally in junior high).

Turns out, I'm your typical, politically incorrect, American traveler after all.

I'm going into this thing completely blind. BUT I think this does provide a great blogging opportunity... when I learn something, I'll share it with you. So, as I learn Mandarin, you'll learn Mandarin. As I find out the rules of ping-pong, you'll find out the rules of ping-pong. And, if I find out they do have Panda Express in China, I'll post a picture of me eating some of that delectable orange chicken.

Yum, yum.


------
HOLY CRAP

After I wrote this, I looked up the nutrition information for the Panda. Orange chicken has 500 calories and 27 whopping grams of fat per serving. Both are 200% more than the next-worst menu item (discounting the pork dishes, which are so disgusting that even the homeless turn them down).

No wonder that stuff tastes so good. Just call me Mikey McFatFat.

3 comments:

Amy Zeleznock said...

Hello Mikey McFatFat--
Congrats on going to Beijing! You are going to have an awesome time...let me know of ANYONE you meet, because a couple of them I've probably worked with them.

There's a girl named Lizzie that should be working the news assignment desk for NBC...she's from GWU...if you do tell her hi!

Liz Williams said...

That's really exciting about China! YAY!!! I'm so happy for you! I sincerely hope they don't have Panda Express in China...

A note of caution. Take great care with the Panda. I also am a big fan (addict?) of the Orange Chicken. But really do be careful and don't eat it too often. I am not talking about the fat or calories (I didn't know it was that bad till now... thanks so much). I am talking about more serious after effects that can come from too much Orange Chicken. Recently, I had Orange Chicken twice in the same week. Actually, I think it was within two or three days. I will spare you the details of what happened, but it was painful and scary. Let's just say that the Orange Chicken got into a fight with my ass, and Orange Chicken won. Nearly broke my butt. Worst "waste management problems" I've ever had in my entire life. Seriously. Don't EVER eat Orange Chicken more than once a week. I might never eat it again.

That was too much information... But didn't you write something before about the Internet being here for self deprecation? What about self humiliation?
;)

Mike said...

You know what the worst part about dirty Chinese food is? You just can't stop eating it, no matter what it does to you.

Case in point - there's a horrible little stand near my grad school. The stuff ALWAYS gives me a stomachache. And yet, I still go there at least once a week.

They have to be putting something addictive in there... maybe I'm a MSG-junkie?